In all seriousness, you know things are getting heavy, when I blog. With all the demands of school, church, and family, I rarely have time to blog as much as I want to. But there are times when I just have to carve out some time so that I can peck away at this keyboard and get my thoughts out of my head. For instance, as we speak, the dryer is open waiting for me to return to it and continue folding the clothes. I quickly threw the ingredients for dinner in the crockpot. There are 4 text messages that I've ignored. I have a case study to finish up, a lesson plan to write, 2 projects to complete, and a Master Club Bible lesson to write. But, that is all going to have to wait because I have to get these nagging thoughts out of my head.
You see, I know I don't have many readers on my blog. Maybe my mom and sometimes Matt read this and both of them have already heard this rant. So, this is really for my own benefit. So here goes.
My child, my intellectually disabled child. My beautiful, blond-ish, brown-eyed girl. She is growing up on me. Why?! Why?! I miss the days when she would snuggle up in bed with me and watch Full House for hours on end while sucking her thumb. Yes, that thumb. The thumb about which I dedicated a whole blog post to, trying to figure out how to get her to stop sucking it. I miss that. I mean, I'm glad she doesn't still do that but, I miss that phase. That problem was so easy. It was nothing compared to the issues we've faced recently.
(And let me just stop and clarify something else. The issues we face with Gracie are teeny tiny compared to those that other Special Needs families face. I realize that and know how blessed we are.)
Recently, we've experienced some of the dreaded milestones. For instance, Gracie is ending her last year in elementary. We have dreaded that for a very long time. To her, the thought of going to junior high is exciting. But to us, it is scary. It's scary in so many different ways, too. For instance, she is going to a school where we don't know anyone. We haven't entrusted our daughter with strangers since she was 3. But, alas, I am reminded that the Lord took extra special care of her then and left her with the most caring teacher possible. Our beloved, Mrs. Morton - our forever family friend. So, I know the Lord will care for her in this school, too. Another way it is scary is that we don't know anything about the program at this school and we are finding it difficult getting answers. What little answers we've been given, have not been pleasing to us. We fear we will have to advocate for Gracie in a way we've never had to before. That's scary.
We've also been preparing for Gracie's future aside from education. That has been a very eye-opening experience. It is very hard to think about the future. Every parent's wishes for their child is to see them leave the nest and be successful in this world. The Special Needs parent's tend to want to keep their baby birds in the nest for as long as possible. We tend to talk out of both sides of our mouth. We want them to be brave and face challenges and dream big, but we're really too scared to let them dream too big. But we must remember 1 John 4:4
"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
GREATER IS HE! He is greater than ME! He is better equipped to protect my child than I am. He is greater than me. I need to remember that on the first day of junior high. I need to remember that during my next ARD meeting. I need to remember that as I walk with Gracie through all of these scary new phases of life.
She's growing up on me. I think I'm beginning to see that the teens are upon us. They are inevitable. I thought I had a deal with God that He would return before I had to raise any teens. Being that we are only months away, I'm beginning to realize that He may not have agreed to my terms.
So, here I go - off to teenager land. Pray for me. Greater is He!
Thanks for listening to the rant.
